I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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