im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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