dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
