I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
