i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i think i just lost a toe
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
