we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
