Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
