You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
