I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
