I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
