Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
