I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
