I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
