she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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