I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you had me at cake vodka
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
