Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
