So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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