she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have tasted many bathrooms
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
