apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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