I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
