I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
