guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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