Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
