Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
