did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just gift wrapped bread.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
