I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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