actually, I'm a sock model
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
