i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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