wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
