Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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