too bad you live with your parents still
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
