Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
