The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
