Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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