Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
