It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
