yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
