Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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