do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
