I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
