Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
