he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
