I hate all girls vehemently.
do herpes really smell.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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