just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
