I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
