i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
