Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
