did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
