Kiss
Puke
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
