I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
whose parrot is this?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
