..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
