2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
