my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
